We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. – 2 Corinthians 4: 8-10
I am a stronger Christian because of my sexuality, though I haven’t always seen it that way.
From a very early age I knew that something was different about me, and it didn’t take long before I started feeling the effects of my differences. I quickly understood that I wasn’t going to fit in with the standards society sets for a man, so I had to learn how to deal with this knowledge. What this means is that all my life I’ve looked to God for acceptance and love rather than my peers, and only through this process have I learned to thrive in my relationship with Christ.
Growing up in evangelical America, the overall tone when speaking about homosexuality was that it was wrong. There wasn’t much discussion on the topic other than a quick word to condemn it. This negative atmosphere subconsciously taught me to hate myself because of my sexuality, which created a need to be validated in other areas of my life. I looked for commendation for my physical skills and overall behavior rather than acceptance of my true self. It wasn’t until I came out when I was eighteen that I thought I might be able to find acceptance in myself as a whole through Christ rather than people.
There have been a few times in my life I have turned away from God, and generally those periods of my life have been filled with hatred and hurt. My freshman year of college was one of the weakest points in my spiritual walk. I looked to someone I thought was my friend for acceptance, but I was only met with verbal abuse and a nagging feeling of worthlessness. It was the first time that I personally understood the power humanity has in its ability to tear someone down and strip them of their worth. Unfortunately for me, it took the hatred of humanity to drive me back to the love that I found in Christ.
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done… Genesis 50:20
The reason that being gay makes me a better Christian is because it forces me to reconcile my faith with my actions. For many people it is easy to overlook their lives being directly dictated by the Bible, but LGBTQ people are forced into a heated debate that somehow along the way became a hot topic issue. Everyone wants to offer their opinions on what your sexuality means to your relationship with Christ. With so many voices whispering in your ear, it forces you to figure out for yourself what you believe. When it comes down to it, your faith is your personal relationship with Jesus Christ – this is where you will find your worth. While it is important not to forsake the body of believers, it is also important to make sure your faith is your own. We can look for strength from those who surround us, but their strength is fleeting. Personally, it is only a foundation in Christ that has provided me with the hope I need. Christ Himself was an outcast, beaten and killed for who He was, but His blood was spilled so that we could find refuge from the hatred and evil of this world.
Often people remind each other that they shouldn’t try and find their worth in others. I found that especially true for those who have a harder time finding acceptance in this world. When LGBTQ people are being recorded being publicly raped and beaten, when a country signs in a law that will put LGBTQ in jail for life, when a church can stand more for hate than compassion – how can we find lasting love amongst these things? I couldn’t – I had to look outside the corporeal world for a love that could sustain me. In humanity I found despair, but in Christ I found the acceptance I was seeking. Through Him I have found the peace that sustains me.
Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses. – 2 Corinthians 6:4
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